I finished university in May and my three long years studying Music came to a close. It was a weird experience throughout with plenty of ups, a lot of downs and enough coffee to keep a small country awake for 6 months.
I had a plan for my final performance as part of my Portfolio that I abandoned about halfway through the module. It was some semi-grand idea designed to bamboozle the markers and earn me high marks for creativity and innovation that involved flash mobs and backing singers, etc.
But for many reasons I binned it off, not least because I knew I was doing it to ‘impress’ or ‘show off’ and that felt inauthentic, fake and just not me. I had already read the Solzhenitzen essay that changed my life, ‘Live not by lies’, and because of it, I was at a point where I was only going to approach my creative expression honestly.
I decided my performance would be just me, a guitar and my songs. That’s me. That’s who I am. As a person and as an artist. No pretence, no pandering, no bullshit. Just me.
So my prep was minimal. In my accompanying write-up I managed to frame my entire project around this ‘No Bullshit/Authenticity’ framework, and package myself as a folk singer/songwriter whose writing is inspired more by my reading of Western Classical Philosophy than technical musical craftsmanship. This was (and is still) true so it was consistent with my mantra (live not by lies), but it was also a handy way of justifying why I had spent the entire semester reading Rene Descartes and David Hume rather than working on my fingerpicking. I was happy with my songs being musically simple (in all honesty I prefer it like that), but I care deeply about lyric writing, emotional depth and subject matter. I want to understand the world, and articulate that understanding through song.
In the write-up, I rejected the ‘Music Business’ themed requirements contained in the assessment criteria on ideological grounds. I argued that I make music for me, not the consumer and that my art being an authentic representation of me is more important than commercial viability. True again.
It also acted as a non-violent protest against the music industry and the expectations of students to conform to certain norms and industry standards, potentially at the cost of their artistic integrity and authenticity: jumping through social media marketing hoops, joining unions, signing contracts, dressing a certain way, staying in one’s lane. Yuck. I hate all of it as I explained in detail here.
My marker told me when I got my grade that a few students every year try something like this in the written portion of the portfolio submission; a protest and rebellion against the marking criteria on philosophical grounds of a sort. He told me that none of them ever scored above the mid 40s when attempting it. I got a 63. He said it was because of how well I formulated and articulated the philosophy behind my argument. Epistemology, baby! I’m good at that shit.
Where it fell apart was certain mandatory criteria I couldn’t ignore that were on the brief and I had to begrudgingly conform to. Things like actual music business entrepreneurship and networking. I did this by massaging some bits I had already done into something vaguely ‘social media marketing’ like and then I did a bit of half-arsed networking with the guys at my local community theatre to put on a gig or two. A small compromise on my principles but I did want to pass after all.
But in reality, I was done with the music business. It was fake, ‘woke’ and I wanted nothing to do with it at all. I already had my heart set on my ‘1000 True Fans on Substack’ business plan and wasn’t going to do things the way typical singer/songwriter would be expected to when trying to ‘make it’.
I said most of this in some way or another during this portfolio, but I couldn’t criticise the woke religion overtly in it. Even though Solzhenitsyn warns in that essay about silence being tantamount to compliance, I wasn’t quite brave enough to risk my chance at getting a first on it. I wish I had, in retrospect. I’m brave enough now.
In the first year, we sat an essay based module that (even though it was supposed to be about music), had the words ‘Critical Theory’ in its title. That module was just as ‘woke’ as one would expect given the name and so was pretty much everything else about that institution.
I had brought up my concerns that I might not get a fair grade if I was completely honest and cited my distaste with the Critical Social Justice movement as a reason why I was abstaining from the traditional music industry. A movement that that particular university seemed to have sworn an unwavering fidelity and fealty to.
He said that I would get a fair grade based on the rigour of my research and the quality of my work and arguments. Good to hear, right? Then he claimed that Jordan Peterson could’ve taken that first year ‘Critical Theory’ module and written an essay that critiques postmodernism, Karl Marx and radical progressivism and still get a favourable and fair grade based purely on the quality of the essay.
I respect and admire the lecturer who told me that, and I hold no ill will against him whatsoever. But I thought that was bullshit. I didn’t believe him then, and I don’t believe him now.
So I was careful to reference the ideological capture of the Music Industry by the Cultural Marxists without overtly calling out ‘woke’. I did this by citing ‘Ideologues' as one of the reasons I am ‘quitting’ the music industry. A small thing, but I got it in. I would have hated myself if I hadn’t at least brought it up, no matter how covertly or subtly.
My performance was framed as a repudiation of the music business, and as a retirement from it. A last hoorah. A final curtain. A resignation. A swan song.
I finished my performance with my eighth and last song ‘Parasite’ because you got to go out with a bang and in it, I accuse someone (A FiCtIoNaL cHaRaCtEr) of murder. Defamation, slander or libel: whatever you want to call it, that’s a bang. (I was recently accused of occasionally being resentful in my writing. Yeah, I most certainly am. Live not by lies).
But before ringing the bell for the final time, I took the opportunity to thank whoever I needed to thank and say whatever I needed to say. I think it is one of the best pieces of writing I have ever written, so I wanted to include it in the video before the song.
Thanks for reading, listening and watching.
Pete Brennan - Musician (retired)
My Swan-Song rant & 'Parasite' (live)